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  1. Tiptoe said:

    Sep 04, 09 at 8:33 pm

    I love “So what you think you can dance” as well, and Mia Michaels rocks! The addiction piece was wonderful! Tice’s breast cancer piece was also very well done. Both showed great emotions, and the dancers evoked the characters so well. The new season starts on Wed.!

  2. emily said:

    Sep 05, 09 at 7:54 am

    omg i love mia michaels. she’s amazing and so talented.. she can convey entire stories in two minute dances… this one, i agree is spectacular.

  3. Bri said:

    Sep 06, 09 at 8:17 am

    I LOVED that piece! I had chills watching it and have watched it quite a few times since then online. I’m going to see the tour live next month and reallllly hope they do that one again. It was absolutely perfect in portraying addiction. So great.

    Can’t wait for this Wednesday!!!! Wooo!!!!

  4. Kiersten said:

    Sep 07, 09 at 9:17 am

    WELCOME BACK!

  5. A said:

    Sep 09, 09 at 9:24 am

    so glad you’re back!! I love her pieces too and for the same reasons…dark and beautiful. I can’t wait to see what else she comes up with!

  6. Eva said:

    Sep 12, 09 at 1:46 am

    Looking forward to getting to that place myself, thanks for the motivation Emmy!

  7. Bri said:

    Sep 15, 09 at 7:16 pm

    Agreed! I look back almost fondly as well, and like you, in the next second I look forward to the great dinner I’m making. I’m not sure I want to forget anything, because remembering what I went through keeps me from going back there. It’s a necessity for maintaining my recovery.

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  9. Emmy said:

    Sep 19, 09 at 4:28 pm

    That’s exactly how I feel :)

  10. Kim said:

    Oct 03, 09 at 5:59 pm

    Like you, I was always “the skinny girl.” I always thought it was a bad thing until I was 16 or so, and a friend of mine became OBSESSED with my weight. I started to see it as something special. That’s when I developed anorexia. Of course, my development of anorexia was much more complex than just that, but it is interesting nonetheless. I find it funny that I’ve spent so many years controlling my food to be small when my normal size is small. My therapist says I’m like a zebra fighting to keep her stripes. Anyway, what I’ve noticed is that I’m afraid of gaining weight because I assume that gaining weight means I’ll be this awesome, better, recovered person. The truth is that gaining these last 10 lbs won’t make me much different, really. Healthier? Yeah, probably. Completely changed mentally? Not really. I’ve always been shy and introverted and cautious and anxious, even way more before anorexia. It’s sad for me to realize that changing my weight won’t change *me.* I think that’s why I’ve resisted gaining the last few pounds for so long. There won’t be any magical occurrence. I’ll still be me…but, I’m starting to realize that’s more than OK.

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  12. Mackeran said:

    Oct 14, 09 at 4:46 am

    Valuable thoughts and advices. I read your topic with great interest.

  13. ice cream maker machine said:

    Oct 15, 09 at 3:16 am

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  14. Lizzy said:

    Oct 16, 09 at 12:17 pm

    I totally feel the same way but for me the disorder is OCD. I always look at people and wonder who has struggled, who hasn’t, why or why not, their background, history, problems and on and on. I, like you, am addicted to psychology and analyzation of others.

  15. Brown said:

    Oct 16, 09 at 5:35 pm

    I really like your blog and i respect your work. I’ll be a frequent visitor.

  16. Martine said:

    Oct 17, 09 at 8:43 am

    Hi Emmy, I just want to encourage you. Your blog inspires, and helps me in my recovery. You are so real, and I can identify with you. As for ideas about where to take your blog, I think I’d like to know how you overcome your day-to-day struggles more, your hopes for the future and how you are pushing through the ED.

    But you’re doing an awesome job. I feel like I can make it through this ED, and that recovery is possible. It’s wonderful!

  17. Emmy said:

    Oct 17, 09 at 8:49 am

    Thank you, Martine. I’m so glad to hear that my blog has been helpful to you. I hope I can continue to have that effect even though my life is no longer constant revelations on why I should work towards becoming healthier every day, haha. Thanks for your comment :)

  18. Robbi said:

    Oct 17, 09 at 9:21 am

    Just writing what you wrote is so inspiring. You’re words help us to see that wherever life takes you must have the courage to go with that flow. Sharing that experience with everyone allows us to see that it’s a natural and safe. xo

  19. Eva said:

    Oct 17, 09 at 12:02 pm

    I agree with Martine, your blog has helped me alot through my own recovery. How you are getting on with daily life now and how life presents its challenges to you now would be helpful to hear about. what problems still face you and how you overcome them could still help us to see that there is life beyond ED. Also I have to say thank you for all your writing so far, they have been so helpful

  20. Joy said:

    Oct 17, 09 at 10:03 pm

    I agree. I was horribly out of shape last year. I was still considered “thin” but there is a difference between “thin” and “fit” which has little to do with weight. I was a very unhealthy relatively (compared to most women I knew) thin person, yet, I wasn’t fit at all. I slowly became active, I began with walking a mile at a time. Its still work, but becoming “fit” is one of the best things that I’ve ever done, it just “feels” different from being just thin. My asthma has improved greatly and my energy levels have increased and I’ve always been a very un-energetic person.

  21. Cammy said:

    Oct 18, 09 at 5:34 pm

    I echo the comments above, I have found your blog hugely inspiring and would regret seeing it go away. In my recovery, one of the hardest parts has been imagining what life is like without an ED in control of everything. Really, it has been so hard to envision what that’s like, and I am always infinitely curious to hear about post-ED life from people who are all/mostly recovered. Even if you’re not talking about anything to do with food and EDs, I think that just talking about your daily life could be a beautiful example of how moving on and moving up is really possible.

  22. Peter said:

    Oct 19, 09 at 5:11 am

    Hmm… I read blogs on a similar topic, but i never visited your blog. I added it to favorites and i’ll be your constant reader.

  23. Bri said:

    Oct 19, 09 at 1:07 pm

    From what the other commenters are saying, maybe you should write more about day-to-day things. I know there are things that come up in my daily life that make me wonder how I would have handled it when I was in my ED, and I handle it differently now that I’m in recovery. I don’t know if that makes sense to you. I actually think to blog about those things but usually am too busy and I forget lol. But yeah, I’m sure there are things you face that you know would have affected you differently back then. And I think that’s what people that are still struggling need to hear about.
    Love you <3

  24. Emmy said:

    Oct 19, 09 at 6:48 pm

    I really appreciate all of your feedback. It’s so helpful to see that I’m still having an effect. I will do my best to blog more about day-to-day stuff, as it clearly is still part of my growth out of an eating disorder.

    Thank you all. And thanks for reading :D

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  26. Polprav said:

    Oct 21, 09 at 7:13 pm

    Hello from Russia!
    Can I quote a post in your blog with the link to you?

  27. Eva said:

    Oct 24, 09 at 2:26 pm

    Could not agree with you more. I have to say for myself I have had HUGE, CRAZY problems with this. because i am a very honest person and with ED, being the control freak I am; cannot handle if i tell someone im going to do something, when I have NO intention of doing it. If i say ill do something you can be assured ill do it unless it Genuinely slipped my mind, or became UN do able (or previously if behaviours kicked in). SO for a long long time I had great difficulty understanding this in others (you know with the whole narrow minded prespective an ED sufferer has – I thought the whole world thought the way I did!)

    So yeah pretty much this bugs me big time, glad to see im not the only one.

    Thanks Emmy

  28. Emmy said:

    Oct 24, 09 at 2:33 pm

    absolutely :)

  29. Arielle said:

    Oct 25, 09 at 12:26 pm

    Totally with you on this one.

  30. Charlynn said:

    Oct 25, 09 at 1:53 pm

    I agree with this post so much, knowing full well that I am just as guilty as the next person of doing this (generally speaking, not so much about diets). Even so, I am weary of people’s words as well.

  31. Charlynn said:

    Oct 25, 09 at 1:54 pm

    I empathize, which is why I ultimately stopped posting new content on Disordered Times. It’s your blog, Emmy — you get to make it whatever you want. Whatever you choose, you have an audience. :)

  32. David Rubenstein said:

    Oct 26, 09 at 9:55 am

    The key is NOT to be deterred by the negative that is all around you… stay focused on your mission.
    XOXOX, Dad

  33. Tiptoe said:

    Oct 28, 09 at 12:41 am

    Emmy, great accomplishments! I agree it has been worth the time. It’s always amazing to look at in writing just how much we have/can achieved. Keep up the wonderful work!

  34. Mom/Robbi said:

    Oct 28, 09 at 9:00 am

    You had me at completed! I’ve learned so much from you. Thank you. I adore you! xox

  35. Peter said:

    Oct 28, 09 at 4:49 pm

    Hmm… I read blogs on a similar topic, but i never visited your blog. I added it to favorites and i’ll be your constant reader.

  36. Alexis Katchuk said:

    Oct 29, 09 at 9:07 am

    Yes, it will be worth it. I am hoping blogs like yours and mine will show people it is worth it, that there is life AFTER an eating disorder, and that it is better than we could have ever imagined.

  37. Eva said:

    Oct 29, 09 at 12:41 pm

    very inspiring and motivational

  38. Emmy said:

    Oct 29, 09 at 4:56 pm

    amen, alexis and tiptoe!

  39. Bri said:

    Nov 10, 09 at 10:15 pm

    I LOVE you and am so UNBELIEVABLY PROUD of you. You are my hero, darling. I can’t wait to see you next month and have our first “normal” meal ever together haha. Cuz let’s face it, our time together in the past was farrr from that haha. I LOVE YOU SOOOOO MUCH!!!!!
    Love, Bri without the E

  40. Emmy said:

    Nov 11, 09 at 5:38 pm

    I can’t wait!!!!! I love you, too!!! :D

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    Nov 13, 09 at 5:17 pm

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  42. Bri said:

    Nov 14, 09 at 2:15 pm

    hahaha I am literally LOLing

  43. Bri said:

    Nov 14, 09 at 2:20 pm

    I’m with ya. I see that happening, and I hate it. Even if it is the “norm,” so to speak. I try not to say something unless I plan on following through. Thoguh sometimes it’s expected. Like, when you say “Hi how are you,” and they answer “Fine, thanks” even if they’re not. It’s not really the same thing you’re saying, but kinda the same idea. I don’t know, it’s like just stop being so fake. Grrr.

    But seriously, let’s do lunch sometime? Like maybe December 26th? Kthanks.

  44. Cornelius said:

    Nov 16, 09 at 4:33 pm

    In truth, immediately i didn’t understand the essence. But after re-reading all at once became clear.

  45. Kim said:

    Nov 18, 09 at 11:16 am

    Thanks for this post. I really, really dread the holidays. I think my family takes this very personally. I just can’t stand the big family gatherings. I feel like it’s obligatory face time, and I never actually have quality time with anyone. Plus, between my husband’s family (or families, actually) and mine, there are way too many events, too much driving, etc. My husband and I are both introverts and just want to stay at home, with good holiday movies, cookies, etc. It’s very hard to balance what we want with what’s obligatory (or feels that way… is it really??). Anyway, I know others struggle with holidays and it’s good to be reminded that I’m not alone. Thanks, again!

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  47. Sabrina Fies said:

    Nov 23, 09 at 3:05 pm

    Hi my name is Sabrina and I was surfing online, then I found your blog, which I liked very much, which is quite pleasant to read. Return next week to read you again. Greetings Sabrina

  48. Mom/Robbi said:

    Dec 01, 09 at 10:06 am

    Ha-ha!! Can you imagine what went wrong with some of these people that they had to attach these warnings! That’s like the Viagra commercials that says contact your doctor if you have an erection lasting more than 4 hours. Seriously, 4 or more hours??!!! By the time 2 hours rolls around wouldn’t you wonder if this thing should still be up??

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  50. Jessica said:

    Dec 04, 09 at 12:01 am

    Actually, I just learned last week that tylenol is bad for your liver. I was taking a training on basic meds for my job and our teacher explained it in a more practical way. Don’t take Tylenol for your hangover. Take asprin or IB profin that are not going to be hard on your liver since alcohol is also hard on your liver. Interesting that its on the medicine label though …

  51. Kiersten said:

    Dec 16, 09 at 1:56 pm

    I love number 2! I just did what your Mom does the other day! Someone was SCREAMING at me because I hadn’t “gunned” it fast enough and Joey was in the car. I said “Joey, come on, smile and wave at that lady over there”. lol. Email me so we can get together when your schedule eases up-it’s been a YEAR! I have the pictures to prove it. Love ya Emifly!

  52. buy kamagra said:

    Dec 17, 09 at 5:45 pm

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  53. Martine said:

    Dec 24, 09 at 9:44 am

    I just wanted to stop by to wish you a very happy Christmas. I hope that 2010 is the year when all your dreams come true!

  54. Sara said:

    Dec 28, 09 at 5:01 pm

    I’m so happy to hear that both of you are now doing well! I admit I was a little skeptical before reading that last paragraph, but despite all the riskiness of having such a good friend be going through an eating disorder the same time to you, it is refreshing that both of you can continue your friendship free of the malaise you had in common.

  55. Sara said:

    Dec 29, 09 at 7:56 pm

    You sound very ambitious, and hey you’re still young- rather than “missing out” as some people might say, I think you made the right choice taking time off and really figuring out stuff and recovering, because after all that is the most vital investment one with an eating disorder can make towards their future. Overcoming your battle with anorexia is a phenomenal achievement regardless of what others may think or know and I think it is incredible that you now know what you want to do so you can go for it :)

  56. Bri said:

    Dec 29, 09 at 9:39 pm

    I LOVE YOU!!!! It was so great to see you again, and to eat a “real” meal with you. I’m so glad we made it to Someday!! Thanks for such a good time <3

  57. Bri said:

    Dec 29, 09 at 9:46 pm

    I feel the same way darling, you know that. But like you said, we have so much more knowledge of ourselves and the “real world” than most. Keep that. You know you can do anything you want now, because you’ve already done the hardest thing you probably ever will do. I tell myself that treatment and what I learned in it will better me during my education and my career. We’re better because of it.

    Keep your head up. Love you <3

  58. Frozen.Oranges» Blog Archive » my daily struggles: school. Treatment Me said:

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  59. Kiersten said:

    Dec 30, 09 at 12:09 pm

    If you didn’t take the time off, you wouldn’t be where you are today, but you know that. Have you looked into the Adult Bachelors Program at Lesley? You get credits for Life Experience, it is how I finished my Bachelors. The program is AMAZING AND you will get credit for the two certificates you have. After I finished that program I was accepted to BC and BU for Social Work (of course I ended up spending my time at Walden, so I know how you feel) but the reason I am telling you that is so you know the program is completely legit and respected by other schools. Here’s a link to it-you would really love this program….

    http://web.lesley.edu/academics/adult-bachelor/index.asp

    I did the Self-Designed Bachelors Program, one weekend every 6 months and did all my work from home. My degree ended up being in Developmental Psychology. They are great with Financial Aid also.
    Love you Ms. Emi-fly!

    <3
    Kiersten

  60. Melvin Jack said:

    Dec 30, 09 at 1:47 pm

    I’ll be adding you to my RSS feeder so as to never miss your excellent blog.

  61. Yasin Yanick said:

    Dec 30, 09 at 9:52 pm

    I was very pleased to find this blog.I wanted to thank you for this great read!! I definitely enjoyed every word of it and I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff in the future.
    Herm

  62. Jamie Holts said:

    Dec 31, 09 at 9:04 pm

    Can you tell me who did your layout? I’ve been looking for one kind of like yours. Thank you.

  63. Tiptoe said:

    Jan 01, 10 at 11:56 am

    School is a sensitive topic for me as well. Though my struggle is slightly different from your, I can relate. For me, it was in not getting a masters, a phd, or md right after college due to my phobia problems that seem to have stuck related to academics. These were all degrees that was highly expected of me. Even today, I get old high school friends ask me whether I ever became a doctor.

    The thing is that no matter what path you have taken, we are all different, each excelling at different areas of our lives. Honestly, I think there is something so much more to going back to school or finishing school later in life. You have so much more knowledge from your peers, and your perspectives are different. But of course, it doesn’t mean you have to either. In the end, it isn’t about a should have but rather what makes you happy now. Without having taken time off for your health, you never would have reached the place where you are at today.

  64. Tiptoe said:

    Jan 01, 10 at 12:00 pm

    Happy New Year to you, Emmy!

    I think you did a lot of great things in 2009. Maybe not life changing per se, but probably things you never would have thought you would have done.

    Hope you have a great coming year!

  65. Kelsanne said:

    Jan 02, 10 at 11:58 pm

    HI, I was wondering how to add you as a friend on here to follow you.

  66. Emmy said:

    Jan 04, 10 at 1:02 am

    On the right-hand side, you’ll find a box where you can sign-up to receive my e-mail updates when I post new entries. That will be the easiest way to follow my blog.

    Thank you for reading!

  67. Sara said:

    Jan 12, 10 at 6:02 pm

    Hey!
    I agree with #5…I often just cannot for the life of me find more creative stuff to do with friends- everything is just- lunch or dinner or coffee, then walk around a bit, go back somewhere…maybe see a movie.
    Good luck!
    Sara

  68. Bri said:

    Jan 12, 10 at 7:35 pm

    I”m pretty sure there are flights from Logan to Detroit, which is only a hop, a skip, and a jump away from Ohio….just sayin’

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  70. Sara said:

    Jan 20, 10 at 11:16 am

    Crazy isn’t it? If only health insurance companies will get through their heads that not going into adequate treatment= exacerbation of the problem, which leads to even greater costs- financially, physically, psychologically…every way possible.
    I am thankful every day that I was able to undergo comprehensive and successful treatment. It saved my life. In every way.

  71. Frozen.Oranges» Blog Archive » the “judgment-free zone.” said:

    Jan 21, 10 at 7:05 pm

    [...] must be doing something right.” Obviously, as I’ve mentioned in a previous post, fitness is judged by size. Which is ridiculous, because I am far from fit (yet) and we all know my size is does not come from [...]

  72. B said:

    Jan 22, 10 at 12:02 pm

    I think that’s good general advice for life. “Get over yourself” I tell it to myself daily. And I’m flattered you consider me “extremely fit”… I’m not sure I’m that generous with myself. It’s a never ending improvement process. Glad the workouts are getting easier!

  73. Jessie said:

    Jan 22, 10 at 3:39 pm

    I’m absolutely the same way. I have about zero physical fitness and I always feel so self conscious exercising in front of people. I just have to keep reminding myself that the only one who cares that much about what I’m doing is me. Other people really just probably don’t care.

  74. SONA said:

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    YAY

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  76. tra said:

    Jan 24, 10 at 8:37 pm

    i bet tons of people are NOT looking at you at all! props to running in the gym! and who cares how much you’re running! no one cares…and no one should care! keep doing what you’re doing. and don’t give a fuck about those other gym rats. =D

  77. Emmy said:

    Jan 24, 10 at 10:27 pm

    b, how can you run a marathon and not think you’re “extremely fit?” you don’t give yourself enough credit. maybe you’re *too* over yourself.

    tra, i don’t know who you are. but you’re awesome :)

  78. E said:

    Jan 26, 10 at 12:31 am

    You dared to say what goes through my mind. Does the fact that the line you just drew isn’t straight torture you and cause you to feel (however irrationally) that you must fix it before you cause something terrible to happen? Do you have to redraw until it is just right? Do you have to then check that it’s straight? And then do some type of ritual after finishing drawing the line? No? Then you probably don’t have OCD. People don’t joke about having cancer or diabetes – they are physically diagnosable. With the multiple layers and manifestations of mental illness and the fact that explanation often requires injust simplification of the problem, mental illnesses sadly are fodder for humour (which as a coping mechanism to sufferers I’m okay with – comedy show material, ehhh). Heck, I’m so sensitive to it that when I was diagnosed as depressed, I refused to refer to myself as such, fearing that because I was “just sad”, I would belittle as those with true depression. Sorry for the length.

  79. LouLou said:

    Jan 28, 10 at 7:55 pm

    Treatment in NZ is non-existent. we get shipped to Aussie if its bad enough by the governemt.. no prizes for guessing that the waiting list is really long.
    I have just read your blurbs and the “why frozenoranges”
    hope you haven’t lost all your posts.
    lou

  80. The Guy in the Suburbs said:

    Jan 29, 10 at 6:15 pm

    The fact is, also, that OCD goes beyond obsession to the point where the anxiety that arises from a sitatuion CANNOT be controlled. For, example, I love to drive, but I have to constantly check my gas gauge (even when I have a full tank) and consider whether or not I’ll make it to my destination, where I need to stop, and what if I do run out of gas?

    Perfectionists, if you feel anxious about a project and doing your best that’s great. OCD rules your life. It is a disorder that one needs to learn to live with, and many do need medication because it can also lead to different forms of anxiety, heart problems, and depression. Nothing funny about that.

  81. Emmy said:

    Jan 31, 10 at 9:01 pm

    First of all, you are not Ben Folds ;)

    Second, I was unaware you also suffered from OCD. How has this never come up between us?

  82. The Guy in the Suburbs said:

    Jan 31, 10 at 9:45 pm

    You just haven’t been listening, that’s all.

  83. Emmy said:

    Feb 02, 10 at 11:23 am

    Oh, hey now. This information is incorrect. I would definitely remember a conversation about that.

  84. The Guy in the Suburbs said:

    Feb 04, 10 at 12:44 am

    I wonder if you should start an offshoot of this blog related to mental health instead of eating disorders.

  85. Amy Kerns said:

    Feb 05, 10 at 2:41 am

    Hey its Amy from Margs! I work at Planet Fitness in Dedham now. I can promise you, nobody is watching you work out. A lot of times people run on the treadmill for 5 minutes to warm up before they lift weights. Women are supposed to lift smaller weights but with high amounts of repetition. So by the sound of it, what you’re doing at the gym sounds completely legit and dont feel self conscious. Are you at the one in Waltham? The one in Dedham is really diverse with people from all sizes, ages and fitness levels. If you need a workout buddy let me know! I cant run much more than 5 minutes either and I work at a gym haha. Hope all is well, I love your blog! I think its sending a really great message btw. LOVE!

  86. Emmy said:

    Feb 06, 10 at 10:50 pm

    I’ve considered this taking a new direction. Here’s the thing, though.. my blog is not strictly about my eating disorder (recovery) anymore. It’s about everything combined. And the OCD is very much related to the eating disorder for me as well as many others. I feel it’s important to address all together. Most people with eating disorders have multiple mental disorders/diseases that all feed each other and cause different behaviors.

  87. Emmy said:

    Feb 06, 10 at 10:54 pm

    Ok, um, wicked cool to hear from you. Where are you living right now? I’m glad you hit up my blog! :)

    Glad to hear about your new job, too. Yeah, I’m loving PF. It’s perfect for my current lifestyle. And $10? Seriously. But yeah, I’ve gotten beyond that. Everyone’s there doing their own thing. If anything, I should be self-conscience about being this twiggy girl in the weight room benching 45 lbs and surrounded by the beefy men benching 3x my body weight, haha. But, even that, I figure what I’m doing is fairly respectable and trying to work up. I’m pretty proud of what I do there.
    Yes, I go to the one in Waltham. Can you go to any gym? You should come hit this one up one night! My gym buddy can’t always make it. Let me know what your schedule’s like!

    Hope you keep reading ;) We’ll catch up later!

  88. Jessie said:

    Feb 09, 10 at 12:57 pm

    Happy Birthday and Congrats! I know I don’t comment much on here, but I wanted to let you know that your blog was one of the things that kept me going when I was really sick last year. So thanks so much.

  89. A said:

    Feb 10, 10 at 10:34 am

    Happy Birthday Frozen Oranges! Good for you and thank you so much for your blog. It means so much to me and is so much better than every other recovery blog because you actually make progress. Thanks and congrats!!!!!!

    xo

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  91. Burbs Man said:

    Feb 24, 10 at 11:09 pm

    I take Lamictal for Seizures…sometimes the mood altering chemicals are a necessary evil. Despite that, though, a way to think about this is that eating a particular way can also change your emotions despite the medication. In no way should this be interpreted as a means of starving, over-eating, or altering an otherwise healthy diet. I eat healthier, which balances the medication interestingly enough.

  92. Sarah said:

    Feb 25, 10 at 6:04 pm

    I <3 lamictal. and topamax. and ativan. only I don't get ativan anymore since I took the whole bottle once and had to go to Walden and drink charchol. well technically I drank the charchol in the ER and then took Cataldo to Walden… but yes I like frozen oranges. And I like your website as well.

  93. InseskUndUdge said:

    Feb 26, 10 at 12:54 pm

    good post

  94. Tiptoe said:

    Mar 01, 10 at 8:28 pm

    First off, just want to say that you have definitely had a busy month. I hope your friend’s newborn pulls through.

    As for NEDAW and such, I’ve felt this way the last few years. I think a lot of it has to do with being out of college and not having a big resource area here. There aren’t any events other than what may be going on campus. And even with that, it’s hard to have said whether I would have attended. Lots going on here too.

    I think what this has shown for you is your growth. Recovery from an ED is about “living” your life, and sometimes, “not having it hanging around the back of your head”is a good thing. Maybe in a way, it is a sense of loss sort of?

  95. elizabeth said:

    Mar 12, 10 at 6:26 pm

    hooray washington!

  96. E said:

    Mar 18, 10 at 9:06 pm

    I get it. You’re definitely not alone. Despite the pain of times of suffering, be it from depression, an eating disorder, addiction, et cetera, there is a certain familiarity in the place and situation in which you have spent much of your life. And familiarity, although possibly unpleasant and harmful, is comforting because it doesn’t involve the unknown. It’s a reason why people return to abusive relationships or sink back into addictions. Yes, it was painful. Yes, it was destructive. But yes, it is familiar.
    Similarly, the ability to identify with a place in your life that you are no longer at is, I believe, healthy. If you couldn’t identify with that part of your life on any level, you would in a sense be removing a part of yourself. Perhaps this is way to grieve, to come to terms with that period in your life. That’s how I see some of my connection and identification to the “ill” part of my life anyways.
    -E

  97. Charlynn said:

    Mar 19, 10 at 1:14 pm

    Oh yeah, I get it. To this day, I think about going back to a disordered life and reliving a period of my life I know I have romanticized. Even though I know those years were basically hell, at least I knew what I was dealing with. It was simpler, but more painful. What keeps me from going back is that I am at a point where I *did* revisit that part of my life, I would lose everything else I have gained as a result of not being actively disordered – and that’s too much of a sacrifice. My experience has been that the longer you continue in recovery, the more reasons you find to stay in it.

  98. Mom/Robbi said:

    Mar 19, 10 at 4:30 pm

    When we grow, we grow in love and learn acceptance. That means embracing who we were and loving that person now. What was once understood to be something that needed to be “fixed” is now loved by our wiser selves and we continue to understand that everything we are is what we’ve always been. And it’s all beautiful. <3

  99. Emmy said:

    Mar 20, 10 at 11:37 pm

    Mom, that’s.. perfect. I think you found the exact words. Love you :)

  100. Hannah said:

    Mar 23, 10 at 8:11 am

    Dear Emmy,

    All I can say is, I do get it. And your post made me feel considerably less of weirdo for being not the only one. Thanks.

  101. Emmy said:

    Mar 24, 10 at 5:03 pm

    You’re welcome :)

  102. Bridgette Toreew said:

    Apr 07, 10 at 12:51 am

    There are a number of different treatment programs and approaches to support people suffering from eating disorders who decide to get help. I’ve found Silver Hill, a substance abuse and psychiatric hospital, to be a good source of information and resources. Talking/blogging about eating disorders can be extremely helpful not just for yourself, but for others in need. Keep up the good work.

  103. Mamie said:

    Apr 11, 10 at 6:44 am

    I’ve fallen in love, and fallen back into anorexia-land so many times. But I refuse to give up. I can do it. And you just reminded me that I do want to reach that recovery stage again where I’ve been through the love-phase and reach the comfortable-phase. Yes, sometimes you miss the novelty and the fight, but I’d rather be missing it from that comfortable, recovered place than from the relapsed, tired place. Thank you. Mamie x

  104. david said:

    Apr 11, 10 at 10:28 am

    Yah, I get it…

  105. Hating ED said:

    Apr 19, 10 at 4:54 pm

    Wow. I’m just starting the process of recovery, and am so so encouraged by this post. I get it. And I’ve loved that song for a while and see new meaning in it now. thanks.

  106. Emmy said:

    Apr 20, 10 at 7:13 pm

    I’m so glad :) Hang in there! It gets good.

  107. Bri said:

    Apr 23, 10 at 11:34 am

    I’m with ya! That’s EXACTLY what I’ve been dealing with. For a while all that matter was getting in the calories, no matter what form. Once I left treatment and stopped eating the frozen meals that were required, I realized that I should probably eat a bit more “balanced meals.”

    I’ve started cooking much more healthy and balanced meals, and experimenting with alot of different recipes and foods I never ate before, to try to get that balance, and different tastes, in. The thing is, I lost weight because of it! So frustrating. But, I’m getting the hang of things and gaining it back, while still eating balanced.

    I’m not saying I don’t eat junk, because I definitely do, all the time. Just now, I try to even it out with more fresh and nutrient-dense foods. That nice piece of grilled chicken with steamed broccolli and red potatoes that I had for dinner is definitely followed by ice cream for dessert.

    Love you =)

  108. Frozen.Oranges» Blog Archive » the poster child for intention. said:

    Jun 18, 10 at 11:54 pm

    [...] Two of her favorites are Dr. Wayne Dyer and Byron Katie. I’ve referred to Byron Katie before, but now I have to hand it to my mom for Wayne [...]

  109. Sarah said:

    Jun 20, 10 at 8:03 pm

    Hey Em, Your mom shared your blog site with me, and I’m so glad to be here. You have a gift, and I don’t just mean your incredible writing skills. You have the gift of knowing that others need to hear your voice, and you have the gift of the internal nudging that won’t cease until you speak. I love what you pose here about boredom, and I’m chewing on that as a ‘reason’ for not writing. I’m not convinced. I think we may get bored with *how* we tell our story, or tell ourselves that our story is too boring (as it exists currently) for others to read. I suspect this is our ego at play – working to keep us safe and small. Suppose we take on writing anyway – as boring, as awful, as whatever it may be. Suppose we live into Julia Cameron’s quote, “I’ll take care of the quantity, God. You take care of the quality.” Suppose we just wrote the dang thing so we could declare it written and move on to new adventures. Suppose you and I take on forming a writing group and get the tails of stuck writers into gear now…this July…and write what we know the world needs us to say. Thoughts?

  110. Emmy said:

    Jun 21, 10 at 10:14 pm

    Hi Sarah!
    I’m glad my mom shot this over to you :) I appreciate your kind words. Maybe you’re right that it’s in how it’s being told. I just feel stuck and can’t quite find another way to say what I’ve been saying for year.

    I’m definitely interested in this writing group idea. We should talk more about that.

    I’d still like to get together at some point and talk. My schedule was just very unpredictable before, but I should be settling into a routine that leaves my weekends open if you’d like to get together maybe one Saturday? Let me know if that works!

    And, of course, welcome to my blog!

  111. The Binge Diary said:

    Jun 23, 10 at 10:25 pm

    I am going to inpatient on Monday! Aaahhhh I have no idea what to expect. Any advice before I go??

  112. Bill said:

    Jun 24, 10 at 8:59 am

    Thank you very much for this and your many other helpful posts.

  113. Em said:

    Jun 24, 10 at 11:59 pm

    Emmy-

    I just wanted to let you know that I added you to my list of blogs I’m following. I’ve been reading for a while, but I finally created my own blog. I know you don’t post much any more, but I definitely enjoy reading when you do.

    -Em

  114. Emmy said:

    Jun 26, 10 at 9:00 am

    I appreciate it! Thank you very much :)

  115. Emmy said:

    Jun 26, 10 at 9:00 am

    I e-mailed you :)